i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need a beard to bite.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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