I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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