why didn't you poke me back
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
