I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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