drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
