after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
