He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
