I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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