So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
