The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
