Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Randomize
