apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
