In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize