new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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