nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
