When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was confusing and full of hummus
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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