I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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