if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
