A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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