why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
