I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
