im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Alive.
So much puke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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