Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
