do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
