I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
