the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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