If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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