Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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