My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
