you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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