WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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