the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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