Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
