Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
