I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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