I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize