your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nutella sex= disaster
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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