She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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