Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
