sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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