come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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