Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize