I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
