I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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