My liver just broke up with me...
I cockslap morals
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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