Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
