Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
