your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am one with the molecules
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
