is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
