dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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