Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
