maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize