I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I didn't notice because vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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