We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
