OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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