Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize