Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
