Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
