why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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