i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
