You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
