she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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