I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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