I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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