Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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