ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
