the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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