A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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