Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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