I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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