Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
