My underwear smells like fireworks.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
