I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
