I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
